Remember Paula? She’s a bit grown-up now. And look how beautiful she has turned from the chubby little girl who always seemed to almost explode.

Paula, aka Wong, waits for her favorite beverage at Happy Lemon, Powerplant Mall, Rockwell

She ultimately loves yellow -- she even wanted to have her hair color changed.

And just immediately after Paula turned into 5, we’ve got our early Christmas present. Here’s our new baby-yo!

So here's the new package from heaven, all wrapped in pink. She should be "Little Red Baby in a Pink Hood."

Here's Kristen Gabrielle with her Ate.

"Kanguso"

Aw! She looks like a boy even in pink!

That’s all I’ve got this time!

That I love you.

That I am with you every step of the way.

That you can tell me anything without having to fear that you will be rejected. Because I will never push you away again. Because I will never leave you again.

That I will always try to understand.

That I will always remember that you love me, more than anyone and anything else.

That I will try to be strong and steadfast.

That being in love means being with you.

You are not mine. You are God’s and He is only sharing you with me and that means I will have to respect you with the freedom that God has given you. I will not force you to change at my own instance. You will change when you feel the need to and not when I tell you to.

That I believe you. Even if you lie a million times, I will always believe you.

I will never doubt your love.

I love you, Love.

B.

It’s been difficult. I’ve been high and low. And now I feel so alone, which explains why I am trying my luck at blogging, again. I was happy and sad, and now depressed. Haha. Now crazy, too.

My stomach is rumbling for the love of food. But most of all, my heart is yearning for peace. Happiness, how can you be so hard to get?

It’s finals week and I feel like I’m losing my game. I lost my fighting spirit. I don’t know where this limbo is taking me.

Arte lang. I’ll start moving na today.

Here’s to growth and empowerment!

Financial management – Yes, I will keep track of my daily expenses. I must start saving now and think hard on investing, too.

Die-T – I’ve been working hard on this for the past few months and it never worked, or I didn’t work too hard. My jeans have stretched enough that they cannot accommodate a few more pounds. I must respond positively to red alert this time. So the key word is “discipline”.

Wellness – And it does not only depend on eating right and sleeping right. To maintain a balanced life, there must also be some degree of physical activity. So I’m saying yes to Zumba.

Happiness – Must choose it!

That is technically true, and, at the same time, constructively false. We are capable of not just branching out, but also building other families. Maybe not the genetic one, but one that you really internalize and consider a part of your being. We have friends that we consider our family, and the not-really friends in a strict sense.

Here’s the other family of the first situation.

A new family found in Batch Santikan, Ateneo Human Rights Center Sembreak Internship 2010.

And a family of the other kind:

My host family during AHRC's immersion program in Tamala, General Nakar, Quezon.

And our home. My partner and I have had a different family experience that is truly remarkable and unforgettable. Theirs is the family of true Filipino values.

Yes, I have made good use of my semestral break and found two new families to call my own.

The whole internship program was geared towards a familiarity of the different sectors and communities that are in need of our service. It enabled us to find a different perspective and a better outlook in life, and perhaps a deeper appreciation of our social responsibility. I also realized that we are not at all that different given the disparity in terms of civilization because they were able to welcome and embrace us as their own. This led me to understand that we too can relate easily with others despite our differences so long as we consider ourselves one within the same nation.

They are not the friends that we spend our every day with, wasting our resources to find comfort and happiness in little things. They are our fellowmen and now my family. Their plight is our fight.

Yes, just a meter or so from me.

I’ll see you!

I hereby promise to make time for you. Just give me a few.

Sincerely,

Bee

I know stress from sleepless nights, from heavy concentration and memorization, and from utilizing one’s brain power beyond capacity. Thank God the brain is not a machine that crashes anytime. I could have been dead today. But I am so alive stressing over what is to come, over missing Paula and the thought of not being able to see her for two weeks, and over making plans on how I can spend time with her before I go out of town and away from home.

Stress #1: SO MISSING PAULA. Good thing I have convinced my brother to bring her later today so we can at least be together as I work while she plays beside me. I’m worried about her long trip to come see me, and at the same time excited to finally feel her. As a consequence, I will endure additional stress by taking the long trip back and from Laguna to get her home and make it on time for our getaway.

Stress #2: WORK LOAD AND PENDING REPORTS. I must do it although the probability is high that I won’t be able to finish it. I am positive though. The thought of it is not the most stressful idea but the more-stressed-sleep-deprived-me as a result.

Stress #3: THE AXE EFFECT. You call a grade “palakol” when it is in a line of 7, meaning 70-79. I am not afraid of it, even as a first-timer. What I am concerned is getting a failing mark which is somewhere between. Please, Lord, give me no less than 78.

Stress #4: PACKING GALORE. I never enjoyed packing and now I have to pack three for different venues and activities. And there’s time constraint making it worse. So assuming Paula and I leave at 10PM tonight, arrive home at 12MN, sleep by 1AM, wake up by 3, leave home by 4, pack a little more by 5:20 to make it at 6. Is it possible?

Stress, I hate you. Leave me alone.

I’m still wearing my office attire. I will have to exercise first before I take a quick shower and finally surrender to S and S (study and sleep). And before I sweat myself off, I’ve had to endure a few hours brushing my sandals, folding and hanging my clothes, arranging my books and other stuffs, and finally sweeping the dust off the floor as I listen to my Dashboard Confessional playlist. All the time I was doing those tasks I’ve been contemplating on a few things that I wanted to accomplish. And aside from that, I’ve been reflecting on a lot of things and decided to clean my spirit too.

So I made a list of some short- to medium-term material goals, and another of daily objectives. And as I look forward to what I want to do, I realize that I have to start forgiving myself for the wrong decisions I have made. Truly, my life is difficult, so as others. But I cannot make it more difficult and make them appear insurmountable. I have to put things into perspective and really start moving on.

Although I feel bad about having to start all over again, I must know that it’s the only way I can make life better for me and Paula. It’s hard to forgive but I can start forgetting and hope someday I would not have to look back and feel sorry. I must choose to be happy and fight off the nightmares of the past.

So there, the cleaning does not end here. It’s a continuous process that I must diligently undertake, a routine I must gladly make.

I must do my crunches now so I can hit the sack anytime now before the dawn begins to crack.

So I ask myself why is it so much easier to be faithful to a man than to a diet. I don’t have the answers. Is food more appetizing than men? Hahaha. What a connection.

Sabaw. Gusto ko na matulog.