Can Chamomile Be

… the CURE?

I remember a promise I have made before I entered law school: I would study harder than I ever did in my entire life. And I did just that. Even though I do not always get to read everything of what is required, still I have surpassed the study time I have spent from nursery to college.

And now school is getting more difficult; and most difficult in this stress-prone times. Ah yes, my insomnia is making things worse for me. I have been cutting some of my classes because I couldn’t fight the urge to continue sleeping.

I cannot depend on sleep supplements because they force me to complete a full cycle of sleep when I can only spend half of that to make time for study. I did buy a few more Sleepasils but they are reserved for the weekend. So I googled and found out that chamomile helps one relax and sleep well. So I’m trying out chamomile tea tonight.

So, could it really put me to sleep and relieve me from stress? I hope so.

Too much stress can really interfere with one’s emotions. In fact, it’s like I’m giving in to someone’s attempt to revive our failed relationship; just because of such impaired sense of reality. Yeah, sometimes a persistent person can squeeze mercy out of you. But no, not today. Maybe chamomile can help too and cleaar my head for tomorrow.

Ah… There is the ringing. Again.

I Want Love

Here’s an old song by a favorite artist.

Sharing the lyrics of Elton John’s song called “I Want Love”….

I WANT LOVE – Elton John

I want love, but it’s impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated

I can’t love, shot full of holes
Don’t feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don’t feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won’t break me down
Won’t brick me up, won’t fence me in
I want a love, that don’t mean a thing
That’s the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms
After everything I’ve ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh man I’ve seen so much traffic

So bring it on, I’ve been bruised
Don’t give me love that’s clean and smooth
I’m ready for the rougher stuff
No sweet romance, I’ve had enough

Big-Time Crammer

It’s not my usual litany of complaints about school. This is about how a crammer who hopes to cope with the demands of law school and eventually faces failure.

Let’s assume our protagonist-antagonist (in Tagalog, bida-contrabida; the likes of Ruby) is a “he”.

Two weeks before the mid-term exams, he searches for all review materials available online. He makes use of his free membership to Scribd, downloads all references uploaded by former students, and prints the covered topics. He goes to school, shares to his friends his materials and photocopies sample examinations that are circulating like porn videos on mobile phones. He selflessly offers to send his materials to his other blockmates via email and does exactly that after leaving school. He goes home and settles, “There are still two weeks to go, I’ll have enough time to study.”

One week before the exam, he feels guilty for not reading any of the materials he has on hand, then later on decides to research more to pay for the guilt. It helps him a little bit, makes him feel less useless. He heads home and feels happy for having gathered such a library of materials.

Two days to go, he suddenly feels sorry that he does not have enough time to read everything and blames himself for adding insult to the injury — more readings to his already-long list.

A day before day 1, he goes out with his siblings and pretends that exam day is not so near. “Besides,” he tells himself, “I’ve been studying ever since.” But he knows it’s never enough, but still he gives in to the urge of a gala.

—-

I can’t continue this anymore. This is so me, giving in to little temptations. I’m switching to Dashboard. Sorry.

Guilty Pleasures I Need, Enumerated

Gone are the usual days of feeling useless and idle. These times we are forced to act beyond our limits, squeeze our endless tasks to fit our busy schedule, and waive the simple pleasures of hello. From diminishing productivity we turn to optimization, but a strange and rare one because the curve should never go down, or else we fall down.

Time now clearly asserts its relativity, defining how time flies so quickly when you go through something that demands you to turn hours into minutes. In college, we read a chapter or two in a week. In law school, it’s not even just doubled in a DAY. Damn, I can’t count them.

We turn hours into minutes when we study. When sleeping, an hour feels like a minute. That is just how the brain is so much overused and abused. We make our brains our slaves as we push them to submit to us.

These are the days when we need to unwind the most because we are forced to the edge but time will not permit it. And the irony of it is that unwinding will only eat our precious time and we realize that the edge is not even here nor near, but still farther.

Let me unwind, I beg of you. But they say an hour or two is counterproductive, I say otherwise. Let me indulge in little guilty pleasures to bribe my retaliating overworked mind. It might commit suicide.

So let me into these:

a blog entry or two;

a sing-along with Beyonce and Mariah and Lady Gaga, too;

Fall Out Boy, too;

and Hailey and Alicia Keys (forget Carrie Underwood);

a romantic movie to inspire my lonely soul;

an hour of Italian language exercise;

a few counts of hip rolling and undulations;

a short dialogue with a far-away friend;

a few exchange of messages with friends and strangers alike;

a sumptuous meal and a happy stomach;

a few FLIPs (full laugh in pain);

some household chores and organizing my closet;

a few pages of a book non-school related;

a handful of cigarette egg rolls;

some googling and youtube-ing;

a hello to Poy and a sound of her voice;

a short prayer to uplift my spirit;

a fulfilling sleep;

and everything in between.

Call them sins and I sinful. Let me be guilty as charged, please.

The Terms in Law School

I’ve learned something from the mid-terms exam… The terms in law school: Either you hit it or miss it.

It’s either you get it or you don’t. And even if you understand a thing, it wouldn’t mean a thing. And even if you fully understand but are unable to put it perfectly, it is still nothing.

There’s no other way about it but to understand perfectly and put perfectly what you learned.

FRUSTRATION!

There are no multiple choices in real law school life. There are but two options: It’s ALL or NOTHING.