Hallo-Win!

Halloween is supposed to be scary–but that’s not quite what we’ve experienced just recently.

Paula and Gabby dressed up for the event. Since it was sem break, I had the time to plan and create their costumes. Unfortunately for me, the kids were not so prepared. Yes, they were excited (I supposed Gabby was, despite of her inability to express such yet) but Paula got scared of the setup (the design, music and all) while Gabby was more inclined to sleep than to have fun at the hour. But it all came to a conclusion and it ended well.

Here are some photos from the event (c/o Kae)……

Gabrielle joins the animal print bandwagon with her snow leopard outfit.

Sleepy head.

After-party. The real fun begins with play, play, and play.

Paula wasn’t the big sister most people would expect her to be. She cried that day–got too scared of everybody else’s spooky look (and maybe of her own, too). In case you’re wondering how Paula pulled off her own stunt despite her Halloween drama and futile attempts to take off, here’s one memory of her biggest nightmare…

Gloomy day. Paula apparently and insistently wanted to look cute, which explains the frustration, disappointment, and horror in her face.

Admittedly, Halloween is not all fun. We are often reminded that life’s uncertain (not really relevant to this post). It could be shaky, too. And the thought of it is just plain horror. But that gives us more reason to try to find fun and happiness–and make life’s daily horror more acceptable and bearable.

Girls’ Day Out

Here’s a thought: In the middle of our busy schedule, we always find time for things that interest us or make us happy. So here’s mine…

I’ve been wanting to share how I spend my weekends with the kiddos at the expense of my work and school (and a full bath!). We always go out–to the mall or to some nearby park (Nuvali is a favorite). And when we’re within the confines of our humble home, I take care of them–from helping them take a shower to cooking and putting them to bed.

This weekend is a bit special. Although technically not a weekend, the finals week has been giving me some days off. The final exams for one of my electives was scheduled in advanced while the other required a final paper–which meant that I didn’t have to take them as scheduled.

So enough of the backgrounder. The kids love to go out and they’d appreciate anything not home. So here’s a sneak peak to two of our days out.

FIRST is one of our usual weekends–malling.

What came out of our short visit to the mall.

Next up was our FRIDAY swimming.

Here’s Gabby whom we fondly call with a host of other names like By-kae-kae, Abbykae, Tintin, Baten, Omwoi, Gubai, and Bambam–depends on who’s calling her.

Gabrielle having so much fun!

Presenting the finalists for 2012 Bikini Open!

“Ang mga Ate. Bow.”

 

 

In other news, I’m not in any of these pics. That’s what happens when you’re the photographer.

More photos!

I have so many stories to share and these pics only tell a few of them. I need to put baby to sleep now so those stories are reserved for next time. But before I end this post, let me leave you with a swagger…

Smiling gangnam style!

 

 

 

Mah Home Girlz!

Paula, the conqueror, has taken over everything… The tablet included! And the low def camera didn’t stop her from dominating… As she and Gabby dominate my heart with these!

And boy, did I not tell you her eyes gave up on her? Not once…

But twice!

My Lovelies in Low Def

Looking good in low definition/resolution images…

Nobody wants any of these two get upset.

With my cousin…

My Easter Bunny

Since Paula learned how to read, she’s been bugging me with a lot of things… And one most recently was to join an event for kids this Easter Sunday, after reading an ad from a local mall.

Who’s not to say “yes” to a rare request? Besides, she’s been very shy especially during her first year in school. And you won’t believe that for a big girl like her, she was an easy target of bullying.

Allow me to explain a bit… Because she was too young and then and I wasn’t so sure that she’s ready for school, I decided to send her to day care for her first year. It’s like a trial period. And because I was out to work and I have school, I wasn’t able to look after her — sending her to class and fetching her were a yaya’s task. And I was blessed to have a good yaya then… One whom she really considered an “Ate”. I wanted her to socialize, meet kids of her age and have fun. But it wasn’t what I expected. It was great, she has truly learned in the end… But it was a hostile environment for one who’s got a yaya. Parents are usually allowed to stay by the window, coaching their kids as they undertake their daily activities. And I’ve learned that kids with their parents are always more confident and thus, bullier — because they’ve got a mommy or a daddy, and sometimes even both, as private armies. In other words, kids with their parents around are literally SMARTER.

One of her classmates remarked, “Wala ka namang Mommy eh.” That I was teary eyed hearing that awful story from her. And when school was finally over, I managed to accompany her to class on days when no subject was scheduled for finals. And one day I was even there waiting outside, she turned to me:

Paula (teary eyed): Mommy, inaaway na naman ako classmate ko.

Me (trying not to lose my cool): Sabihin mo nandito Mommy mo.

Paula walked away and returned after a few seconds…

Paula: Eh sabi niya andito din Mommy niya.

Me: (silent… controlling my temper… The guts of that kid!)

Despite the bullying, she survived her first year. And just this year, I sent her to a private school where parents are only allowed to send their kids at the gates. So, that gave her better chances at improving her self-confidence. True enough, she became more confident, independent, and a whole lot smarter. Her teachers are even recommending her for Grade 1, instead of taking the next level which is Prep.

So having that sort of background, I am in no position to refuse an offer from her to join not just any activity, but a competition… An Easter Bunny Carnival Costume Contest (dunno if I got that right, doesn’t sound good to me).

I promised her we were going. Without any preparation, except from some googling for costume idea, I texted my brother’s girlfriend to seek help. So that makes us four already — me, Paula, my bro’s gf, and my bro (because I brought his gf in). Incidentally, my mother just got back from Cebu where she attended the funeral of my Uncle (eternal rest grant unto him…). She brought with her some summer dresses that my Auntie is making in Toledo for export in the U.S. That was Saturday. I mentioned to Kae, my bro’s gf, that I saw some pics of an Easter parade in NYC where people wear big hats with gardens on them. And she suggested we make a head dress. Come Easter Sunday, my other brother decided to come with us because I was bringing Gabrielle with us. That makes six of us.

We got to the mall at 1pm, without anything but the dress and the hat that Kae brought. The parade was scheduled for 2pm, so we really had to hurry. My bro and his gf took care of the registration, 5 minutes before start, while I raced with time making the head dress.

PREPPING UP! Before this, she only had red lipstick and some blush on. Because I heard the other mommy panicking over her daughter's make up, I had to panic too! Twas time for some dark brown eyeshadow.

;

THE RAMP. Paula gracing the stage with her summer dress and our 15-minute head dress. Yes, it had big yellow bunny ears and eggs on the nest. She had brown booty sandals to match her big peasant hat (which did so accidentally). See her bunny pose in the middle!

There was some magic show while the judges deliberate and finalize their decision. It was a long wait, especially for a 5-year old like Paula. Some judges pointing at her, asking for her number, was a good sign.

THE CONTESTANTS. These kids were vying for the title "Wackiest", "Most Colorful", and the "Cutest" Bunny Carnival Costume.

THE SHOW. Perhaps Paula would make a good actress (as opposed to her mommy)... Despite her repulsion to having to wear the heavy head dress again, she managed some great smiles. They'd given away bunny head bands eventually, which gave her some good excuse to remove the burden.

Paula gaining some weight after her big loss is becoming more apparent. She was too skinny until school finally ended.

THE VICTOR. Yay! She won her category -- CUTEST Bunny Carnival Costume!

Oh yeah we brought home some gift certificates and were guilty of shopping right after. It was fun and rewarding despite the lack of preparation. But the exposure and experience that Paula had was priceless, not to mention the confidence boost that no amount of money can ever buy.

BUNNY PHONE. My phone should have joined, too! Niclaus (my phone's name) looks good with its purple costume (although it looks blue here because of the poor lighting).

Btw, thanks to Kae for also being our camera person! Great pics you got there!

The Old Me

In my very first 'dormitory' in LB.

My brother greeted me yesterday and expressed how an old movie reminded him of my youth. He acknowledged certain similarities between me and the female protagonist then and remarked how totally different we have eventually become. I felt some happiness for what he noticed but also felt bad about his recent observation. So I decided to pull out some old photos from my folders and be reminded of the good old days.

I am a cry baby and there is no denying in that. But I guess I was a lot more emotional during my younger days, particularly high school.  I could cry everywhere so long as I feel like it. I go to church everyday before heading home, crying and wishing I never had to go home at all cost. I did seem to appear like a total weakling but I was never an idiot. Yes, I cry, but I was responsible. In fact, overly responsible for a high school student to assume parenting roles. I have four little brothers to look after and not even a single parent in our midst. Our father have had to work, as he still does, to sustain the family. And my mother had her own business to attend to. Yes, I had a complicated life then. But we got through it, at least now we’re better.

I diverted my frustration from home to becoming a gem in a Catholic school. I was a diligent student and it paid. I had got all the recognition and attention that I deserved. And it made me all the more crying to have found out how this dear teacher of mine expressed her admiration for my determination.

I lovED the camera.

But college did not free me from my usual wailing. Or maybe I had grown too tired to appreciate the things that were around me. But still I was way better, a lot better than today. I could not dismiss the fact that life keeps changing and I was no longer the baby that gets to be redeemed if caught in tears.

I often appeared to be a happy being, which is entirely contradicting to the depressive person that I am. I made good friends and they saw the earthbound side of me. Good friends who stayed up late night with me when I couldn’t stand being lonely in my room. Thoughtful friends who delivered lunch and dinner when I was too unwilling to give in to the demands of my stomach. Faithful friends who made time to sit by me while I sulk over meal. True friends who stood by me no matter what, no matter how stubborn I was. Yes, I was really stubborn. But still I was a lot better.

Smile though your heart is breaking.

Flash before bedtime.

And now at this age, I am able to realize how ungrateful I was to not recognize how beautiful my life was despite all the family crisis. So here I am, looking back and trying to admit the possibility of being in the same spot I had been in high school. That is, not being able to see the bigger picture and appreciate some good things that are kept hidden by my own fears. And these pictures will always remind me of how I felt broken and unknowingly survived it.

My life is a big drama. Or maybe I’m just too ‘maarte’ as one terribly pinpoints. I am getting tired of all these complications.

No matter how my heart is breaking now, I am still fighting. Giving up is never an option. And with that I am quoting some nice lines from a song called “Shattered” by Trading Yesterday:

Witchy Witch

And I’ve lost who I am and I can’t understand.
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on.

But I know, all I know, is that the end’s beginning.
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart.

Let me go and I will run, I will not be silenced.
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain.
All is lost, hope remains, and this war’s not over.
There’s a light, there’s the sun, taking all shattered ones.
To the place we belong, and His love will conquer all.

Yes, His love will conquer all. And I have to realize that the old me does not matter. What I have is today and I have to live with it. Will it be with the old or new me, I have to survive it. But maybe there’s no such thing as ‘old’ and ‘new’ me for I can only be myself. My changing self. Or is there?

The new Me.